I don't think you need all those upper case, it's distracting from a very fine haiku.
first frost-- the young man's voice cracks for the first time
.
I love the way you have combined sound in this haiku. It's rarely done, and this is really one of the best examples of using sound with juxtaposing images I've ever read.
6 comments:
Something we all can relate to! :)
You're right. Even my voice broke and deepened a bit during puberty. Thanks, winter moth!
love it
john
Many warm thanks, John.
Sublime.
I don't think you need all those upper case, it's distracting from a very fine haiku.
first frost--
the young man's voice cracks
for the first time
.
I love the way you have combined sound in this haiku. It's rarely done, and this is really one of the best examples of using sound with juxtaposing images I've ever read.
Ah, Alan. Thanks for your helpful and kind feedback.
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