Monday, October 6, 2008

Flight

Passing, in the rain,
flock of geese in the field
ready for take-off

* * *
Sateessa, ohi-
mennen, hanhet pellolla
valmiina lähtöön

6 comments:

Nora said...

lovely, mome!

Alan Summers said...

Fantastic!

I don't know if you even need "in the field' as the writing (in English) is so sublime and the context full of clarity.

Möme said...

For syllables' sake, Adam!

Thank you both for your kind comments, and greetings from Paris - now I'm back here in the almost wintery, soon geeseless north.

Alan Summers said...

Hi Eve!

Do you mean you have to do your haiku in 17 Western syllables? Intriguing. ;-)

geeseless north

Now that sounds like an interesting first line for another haiku! ;-)

.

Möme said...

I try to keep 17 syllables in both English and Finnish versions, yes. Finnish in much closer to Japanese in this respect; English tends to have space for too much information. So, I have to compromise, particularly because the English syllable division seems irrational and confusing to me :)But my Finnish versions are always faithfully 5-7-5!
The real challence, of course, comes with the translation. ;)

geeseless north
the bare branches of trees still
forecast: first snow

Möme said...

hanhet lähteneet
pohjoinen autius puissa
ennuste: lunta