Monday, September 15, 2008

after the rain

huge mushrooms dot the lawn


Alan Summers said...

I really like this!

Because I really like it, I wonder if you could give it some more space.

I often admire your haiku but want it framed more by space, away from other text.

Sorry to sound brutal, but it's only because I'm a fan of your work! ;-)


David said...

there is a problem with 'huge' and 'dot'.

I suggest you could drop the 'huge'and or add 'scatter' instead of 'dot'

but i think

'after rain
mushrooms dot the lawn'

is a good line

kouji said...

dot the lawn... very nice. :)

Reihaisha said...

I was able to get a picture from my commute that inspired the moment

:D enjoy